watching them go

Everyone tells you:  "Enjoy them while they are little, they grow so fast".  You've heard that before too, right?  Oh, I know it's true.  I even sometimes feel that deep heaviness that probably equates to the hard part about your kids moving out one day.  Leaving you. And you are just there hoping, praying, that you've served them well.  And knowing your work is really done.  Gulp.  

But some days, some days, you can't imagine what life will be like without someone needing you.  All. the. time.  When it's like this:  One of them finally gets settled into something while you help her sister start a project. As soon as you get her going on that project, the other can't find what she is looking for.  You help find it, and then the other needs you to go to the bathroom with her, and after you do that, the other one has decided she really wants to take you up on your earlier offer to read a book and is done with her project.  You read the book, and then the other can't get her snow pants on (she abandoned her project before the trip to the bathroom), but right then the other really needs a snack...you get the idea.  And I didn't even talk about whining or meltdown, because our kids don't do that.  Yeah, right.

Sometimes you're not sure where your children leave off and you begin. 

Sometimes you miss knowing yourself.

But then, you watch them go.  And you remember that feeling of doing it on your own.  Of feeling big, and capable and really, well, BIG.  Because big is what they are always reaching for.

And you remind yourself that this time is short.  And that you are the big one, and that they are looking to you to help them understand where you leave off and they begin.  It's a huge job.  B-I-G.

You're not always up for it.  (And that's o.k. you're told)  But you always go back to it.  Because it's your job right now and you love them so.

And you know that before long they won't need to hold your hand anymore.