birthdays

Elsa turned 10 two weeks ago.  It was another happy/sad.  Her first birthday without her dad.  With so many new friends and the thing she wanted most; an aerial silk installed in our living room.  She is resilient, this girl, as we all are proving to be.  I admire her spunk, her determination, her easy laughter, her curious nature.  So much like her dad, this one. 

And today is my birthday. This is the last photo Andy ever took, on my birthday one year ago today.   Doing just what I wanted planting Nasturtiums with our girls.  He stood on the porch with his oxygen line holding him to the house and was still so part of us.  Still so here.  We had one month left with him.

We are almost rounding the year.  Mine is the last family birthday to be had, as a first, without him.  Some say it will be easier after the first year.  I can imagine, in ways, it will.  These special days on the calendar might not hold so much weight, but there will always be firsts.  First driving lessons for the girls, first boyfriends, first day of college, first jobs, first babies... There is a lifetime of firsts ahead.  And a lifetime of lasts behind.  Andy helped me learn how to be present, how to take it one day at a time.  We are still practicing that, knowing that life takes crazy turns.  Being here now is still all we really have.