this mama

Dear Iris,
I want us to remember always how much you love this doll. This is your boy. Your Nonnie made him and you love him so, so much.

His name is Daisy Will Mason. He is almost always called Daisy Will Mason, occasionally Daisy Will, but never Daisy. We aren't sure where the name Daisy came from (you named him when you were four) but the names Will and Mason are after your two cousins. For awhile we weren't sure if he was a boy or a girl. But then you decided he was most definitely a boy (and you taped a small doll sock between his legs for awhile- and that confirmed it).

And now this boy is your heart and soul. You take such good care of him. He is always bundled when he goes outside, he puts on his flannel pj's for bed most nights, he is diapered, and rocked and nursed and bottle-fed, and carried in a sling and in a backpack, and snuggled and bounced, and changed, a lot. Nonnie made him just the perfect size to sit on your hip and wear real baby clothes. He is SO cute. You tell us that many times each day.

You have been mothering your dolls since before you were two. Your papa and I were just remembering how, when Elsa Mae was first born (you were 2 1/2), and you would haul a chair over to the changing table many times each day to wipe (we went through lots of wipes) and change your baby. You could already do that all by yourself back then. And of course now, another 2 1/2 years later, you are a pro. You have three children (you tell us about them regularly). Your oldest, Brigit is a teenager, Nollie is your middle child, and Daisy Will Mason is your baby (but he's one now).

Sometimes you are so caught up in being a mama your heart is almost bursting with love for those babies. Sometimes you turn to me with big honest eyes and say, "Oh, mama, it's going to be so long before I can have my own real babies."

I'm not sure where your deep mama instinct came from. You didn't inherit it from me. I love, love being a mama to you and Mae. But before I was a mama I didn't think about it much. I watch how sweet and caring you are with your dolls and I know a little bit comes from watching your own mama, but most of it comes from a wise and loving space in your own little heart. And even though I hope you have a good long time to be a playful girl, and an adventuresome young woman before your own babies come, I too am excited for you to be a mama. You are going to be the best.

Today when you were bundling Daisy Will to go outside you were talking sweetly to him and smiling. Then as we walked out the door you looked at his outstretched arms and giggled and said, "Daisy Will thinks he is a bird". You gave him a kiss and the two of you were off.