40:40:40

Last week I turned 40.  O.k.  I won't pretend otherwise, this one gave me pause.  40?  Midlife?  Seriously? I'm not even old enough to have kids yet!

I've been thinking about 40 rolling around, oh, since about last May when I hit 39.  For awhile I thought I would/should do something really monumental.  You know, to mark this midpoint (give or take of course).  I tossed around all kinds of ideas:  climb 40 mountains, read 40 great novels, knit 40 hats, eat ice cream in 40 states, be silent for 40 days (boy they would have loved that!), paddle 40 lakes/rivers, learn 40 new plants.... the list got so long I got overwhelmed.  So in the end, with the blessing of my most wonderful life partner, I decided to start with a spring cleanse, and then get outside to hike or walk for at least 40 minutes, everyday for 40 days, until my 40th birthday.  It was amazing.  It really doesn't sound monumental, but you know what, in the end, it was. 

This little life gets so busy and full that it's easy to lose oneself in it, just a bit.  This 40:40:40 idea turned out to be a gift.  The perfect one.   40 minutes in my own head.  40 minutes in the fresh spring air.  40 minutes of quiet.  40 minutes to move my body.  40 minutes to reflect.  I walked in rain, I walked in shine.  Mostly I walked alone, but sometimes I walked with a good friend.  You guys know who you are.  Thanks for sharing that space.  I walked with Iris (who rode her bike), I walked with Elsa in the stroller and just before my birthday, Andy and I sneaked away for a 2.5 hour hike, alone.  Amazing. 

While I walked, I thought.  A lot.  There is something about this life marker, this midway, that feels like hope. Like confidence and optimism.

In a nut shell, the last 40 years:  a wonderful childhood on Jug Creek/ UW-Madison/ jobs in the Oregon mountains, the Alaska backcountry, Northern Minnesota, the Baja Peninsula, travel and play and adventure/ANDY/building our home/IRIS and ELSA.  So many blessings.  So much momentum.  So many huge moments and changes.  In looking back it feels a little like riding a wave.  I made choices, I had input, but I was also carried along.  Swept along, maybe.  For 40 years!

And now I've landed here.  So many of those big adventures are behind me, forever.  I won't be a kid again, I likely won't go back to college, I may not live out of my backpack for years, I'll love only once, we've built this forever home, and our family is complete.  Holy cow, I'm a grown up!

There is something deeply settling about all this.  I'm here now with a new desire.  A new outlook.  The next 40 years will have adventure and change.  But they will also be more rooted.  More mindful.  More full of thoughtful intention.  My work now is parenting, partnering, living more fully in community, and continuing to find ease in this space that is myself.  It's a different adventure than the last 40 years, but I'm ready for it. 

And no, I'm not giving up the 40 minutes now that I've hit the big 4-0.  It may not be everyday, but it's a gift worth making habit. 

Thanks friends and family for sharing my birthday week and weekend.  It was just perfect.