mindful

Andy has been waking before dawn each morning since his return from the hospital.  He builds the fire and sits quietly learning the long road of a meditation practice.

Lately he's been waking me so I can join him in sitting still.  Over the years I've played around with meditation. I've read a lot, I've taken classes, I've sat on my cushion noticing the thoughts in constant motion.   I sometimes do relaxation body scans with the kids as they fall asleep at night, I often "sweep" their minds so that they can find quiet and let sleep come, I do a loving-kindness mantra when I remember. But I don't have dedication. Not yet.

I have said to myself, over the years of parenting, that a meditation practice would probably truly serve my struggles with patience, anger, focus...you name it.  And I can imagine a day when I'll have the time to begin that practice, like when my children are mostly grown, and then it will be so wonderful that I'll regret I didn't do it earlier.  Oh, it's a bit like having a crystal ball then.

I've been watching Andy these longs months since December.  Diligence does not come hard to him. I'm not sure he's missed a morning yet.  I think he finds the quiet and stillness stretching open from time to time.  It's not just sitting now, it's carving and walking and even sometimes swimming the tricky waters of parenting.  Not always, but sometimes.

To say that I admire his dedication is not enough.  So I'll join him there, as often as I can.  I'll begin again, and again because waiting until there is enough time just doesn't make sense anymore, it never really did.

Mary Oliver, again.

Mindful

Every day

I see or hear

something

that more or less

kills me 

with delight, 

that leave me

like a needle

in the haystack 

of light.

It is what I was born for-

to look, to listen,

to lose myself 

inside this soft world-

to instruct myself'

over and over

in joy,

and acclamation.

Nor am I talking

about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful, 

the very extravagant-

but the ordinary, 

the common, the very drab,

The daily presentations,

Oh, good scholar, 

I say to myself, 

how can you help

but grow wise

with such teachings

as these-

the untrimmable light

of the world, 

the ocean's shine, 

the prayers that are made 

out of grass?