from the beginning

Spring 1999

This is one of the earliest photos I have of Andy.  He'd hate that I'm posting this because he looks too hot and, you know, he was modest and all.  But you can see why he caught my eye.  And of course it wasn't all looks, the guitar and the sweetness helped.  But I wasn't really all that sure at first.  I was enjoying being single.  I was all girl-power and independence and who-needs-a-steady-man.  This, after surviving a difficult break-up in college that left me feeling dependent and unsure of myself.  I wanted nothing that would make me feel needy, insecure, or tied down.  He was just back from 2 years as a single adventurer in the Peace Corps and I think he was more ready for something solid.  It didn't seem destined to be, and I kept that front and center for awhile.

Still we flirted and and started a little something that spring and then in late May I left to work in Alaska and I kinda thought that was that.  But he wrote to me that summer, and I wrote back.  Pen to paper kind of writing. This was 1999 and I was in the field without electricity.
We both returned to the Northwoods of MN that fall and even though I kind of wanted to deny it, our interest in one another deepened.  He was so easy to be around.  He made me laugh.  He paid attention.  He listened.  He made me feel like everything about me was interesting.  When I talked about my faults and my insecurities (maybe trying to scare him off?) he listened and then continued to want to be with me.  He wanted to be with me as much as he could.  And I was starting to feel that way too.

I have over 20,000 photos our life together.  That's almost 1,000 per year (and that doesn't count the albums of photos from pre-digital time, for which we had about 5 years together).  They tell a vivid story of our love and the life we built with one another over the course of 19 years.  Andy and I never stopped wanting to be together.  That need only grew stronger through the years to the point that we were always scheming ways to make money from home so that we could spend more of our days together and less time apart. We were each other's best friend.  We were lovers and partners in every amazing sense of those words.  We couldn't get enough of each other.  We made eachother whole.  Days before he died he told me "If I had 100 lives to live I wouldn't have enough time with you".  Ditto my love.