this new terrain

I'm taking a month-long on-line writing course.  Yesterday's prompt was "Imagine writing a letter to the one you've lost.  What would you show them in this new "home" town?"  This idea of what it would be like if Andy could pop into our new life, our new landscape occurs to me almost daily,  Here's what I wrote.

When you left us they were stick straight little girls at 8 and 11. They wore their hair in pony tails and didn't care if their leggings were striped and their shirts was flowered. They were wild homeschooled girls who knew how to light a fire and carve a stick with a knife. They played in the creek and crafted dams and crawdad houses, they built things in your shop with you and followed your lead on their bikes. They slept in a sweaty tangle together, sometimes in their bed, sometimes in ours.

I often look at them now, almost three years on and wonder how you'd perceive this new terrain of tween and teen. You might feel (as I sometimes do) that you've entered an alien world. A world of curves and breasts, of braces and skateboards, of make-up and face care routines, of phones and tablets and selfies and tiktoks. Of periods and pop music, of social worries and high school anticipation. Of redecorated bedrooms with teenage “vibes”. Would you recognize our girls, no longer wearing dirt on their knees and hay in their hair? In so many ways you would, because their essence is still there. All that you gave them in those full years of being their everyday teacher shines on their faces and in their hearts still. And in many ways you would be bowled over, as am I, by their maturity, their independence and yes, their size. Our oldest is now taller than me and wears a larger shoe.

The landmarks that signed our way through parenting together have shifted and without you I'm often lost in this new landscape. But if I could have you again, if only for a moment, this world of teen and tween, where there is so much growth and sass and pushing boundaries and shining like a beacon in my darkest days....This is absolutely where I'd take you.